Siriusly Soulmates


Soul contracts can span lifetimes. It’s amazing what you can see and intuit when eye gazing with a lover (or friend) who feels so ancient and familiar. I feel so at home and understood by Azstrel ‘Tiger’ Cates. (He is a Tiger in Chinese astrology, and a Monkey in Mayan….and I am ΓΌber alien monkey in both systems….I have a playmate in love to laugh my non-existent testicles off with into a puddle of cosmic rainbow seminal emission).
I’m curious to see how this lifetime’s story unfolds with my sweet, generous, endearing soulmate who softens my edges with his unconditional love and makes me feel like a REAL WOMAN!

When my intensity overwhelmed others- my beloved told me to bring it on. ‘Thank you for sharing your truth with me. It’s an honor to me that you open up to me after the space you’ve held for me to grow as a man.’

When I thought my alpha female-ness would never find my spiritual starseeded beta with badass listening skills- he showed up to listen to all of my authentic truths and enthusiastically serve me in every possible way he could think of, even telling me, ‘I’d like for you to go over all the things I can do for you to make you happy in this relationship. Serving you gives my life purpose and passion.’ Holy Mothership! Wow!

When I start to recoil from being authentically messy, thinking that I’m over-sharing and apologizing to him because I don’t want to weigh down his spirit, he tells me ‘you do you’ and thanks me for opening up and tells me it’s an honor to be my confidante. He has never made me feel like ‘too much,’ even though by this society’s standards, I am much too much too much. Fuck it. I’m larger than life and 6’2″ to boot- the Universe’s fool-proof plan to make it impossible for me not to own my bigness or boldness.

When my Scorpio stinger slayed someone on the street who was fucking with us- Azstrel laughed deep, bell-shaking laughter with me. Some random dude with bad manners on Mission St. in SanFranPsycho told us ‘to get a room’ while we were hugging. I backed away from Azstrel’s arms and said, ‘YOU get a room…. Oooohhhh…. you WISH you had a room. How about my boyfriend and I start fucking right here, put out a tip jar, and YOU can leave us a tip.’ The guy actually smiled and walked away. Azstrel and I laughed our asses off in belly aching fits.

When my edgy, shadow-dancing, rebellious attitude got me scape-goated by New Agers- my beloved told me that he loved my bruises and scrapes from the School of Hard Knocks that give me all my intriguing edges and depth.

When the subtle messages from every past boyfriend before aimed at compartmentalizing me so that they could enjoy all my strengths but change all my weaknesses- my lover told me that my emotional and spiritual range inspired him. ‘I love your pixie excitement, your inspiring stories, your fierce strength, your intensity. I love all of you….’ even my diseased parts… We even cry together sometimes. I feel so grateful to have a partner that is in touch with his feminine side and I honor his emotional androgyny.

I’m so glad this creature was born and came into my life when he did. I’d like to take a moment to publically honor my amazing soulmate from Sirius B- Azstrel- on his B(Earth)day weekend.

Happy B(Earth)day my love. My life is even fuller and richer now that you’re in it. I adore you from here to Sirius B.


Monogamy or Polyamory?

Monogamy or Polyamory
For those of you on the fence πŸ˜‰

I think it’s a wise idea to feel out the organic relationship dynamic that develops with the people we are attracted to as opposed to enforcing a relationship paradigm- monogamy OR polyamory- if it feels either unnatural or too difficult.

Sometimes monogamy feels unnatural and stifling, whether sexually, spiritually and/or emotionally. Sometimes monogamy feels safe, amazing, and like the most organic, loving option made between two consenting adults in love and devoted to one another.

Sometimes polyamory feels exciting, like making love to the wind on the top of Mt. Whitney- like getting to have your cake and eat it too- like the Universe is an ecstatic playground with sexy souls we connect with in unique, exciting, and sensual ways. Could you ever replicate the scent of a lover? Sometimes polyamory is too difficult and takes too much time, energy, and emotional processing when we have other things in life that take a huge chunk of our energy and focus.

For myself- the core of identifying as polyamorous- whether or not I happen to be fucking two different people or not- has more to do with honestly owning up to the fact that it’s possible for me to love or even be attracted to more than just the One I choose to devote myself to. These attractions may or may not include sex.

The root of ‘polyamory’ is ‘poly’ and ‘amor,’ meaning multiple loves, and that’s the basis of it for me. It’s also quite possible I’ll only ‘fuck’ one person for the rest of my life once my soulmate and I live in close proximity. I’m really not attached to love labels.

Re-negotiating monogamy or polyamory and various boundaries/agreements as a relationship develops is another option as opposed to having to pick a team: Mono or Poly.

I think being open to ‘what works’ as opposed to ‘what’s right’ (or wrong) is a wiser option than living our love lives with iron-clad fists of enforcement based on fear or moralism, which are actually the opposite of love. Here’s to MORE LOVE & LESS FEAR!

Here are my two Aquarian Soulmates and my mutated Sagittarian visage in a funky collage:


Sirius B Rising

Behind the programmed Earthling Matrix veils and masks we wear…. Who are we really? In Essence? Uniquely our own BEYOND who we were programmed to be to fit into society?

During an Egyptian yoga practice, while inter-dimensionally entering the Sphinx- a practice I merged from Egyptian shamanism and Hatha yoga- Spirit told me as I bowed before a wall of higher Sirian intelligence and God/dresses, ‘You are Sekhmet.’ It’s not everyday I go to the Sphinx and get downloads like this. Why not report it on the Akashic annals of the Internet? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜»πŸ˜‚πŸ˜»πŸ˜‚πŸ˜»πŸ˜‚πŸ˜»πŸ˜‚πŸ˜»πŸ˜‚ because truthfully….if we are doing our spiritual homework….we ALL start taking on more God and Goddess like aspects of a particular archetypal energy. My archetypal energy is Sekhmet. You will have your own archetypal energy true to YOUR particular soul. We all do.

Sekmeht was the fierce lioness healer of the Egyptian pantheon. She is the Goddess of FIERCE COMPASSION, FIRE, DANCE, DEATH, MEDICINE, WAR & LOVE. How is a new paradigm going to be constructed unless the old one BURNS baby??? πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯And how are we going to evolve unless we HEAL the cracks this sick society has imprinted upon us all?

DANCE in the transmutational FIRE! Take the MEDICINE of DEATH to the FALSE EGO! Seek out every healing resource we can to embody wholeness and health. Remember that WE ARE ONE!!! Fight against that which VIOLATES the LAW OF ONE, the vampires that seek to DESTROY Unity Consciousness through rape, murder, siphoning others’ life force in any myriad of ways. Oh Goddess what have they done???!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

There are many kinds of battles… DRACONIC and PREDATORY ones, the kind that inflict trauma, the kind we so often see in PATRIARCHY….. And then there are HOLY battles- SPIRITUAL battles to PRESERVE LOVE & DESTROY the ILLUSIONS that keep us from LOVE & Unity Consciousness.

The Goddess is not always soft and yielding. She can kick ass when necessary. We need these varied portrayals of femininity to understand the complexity of what the FEMININE RISING may look like after millenniums of repression.

We’re in this muddled Earthling soup together my friends. Let’s make the most of this opportunity for spiritual growth while we’re here incarnate in human flesh during this NOT FAST ENOUGH SHIFT from the Dark Age of the Kali Yuga (the Iron Age), into the higher consciousness of the Age of Aquarius.

This incredibly transformational time in which we are co-creating participants- has been prophesied by the Mayans, the Hopis, and many others. To be alive on Earth right now is an AMAZING opportunity our souls consciously took on before we incarnated this time around. I know that is not always easy to remember in the day-to-day grind, so I’m here to lovingly remind you with the ALCHEMICAL FIRE & GALACTIC LOVE & DEVOTION of EVERY ANGELIC E.T. Guide I have, spurring me on to spur you on. πŸ”₯πŸ™πŸ”₯πŸ˜‡πŸ”₯πŸ™πŸ”₯πŸ˜‡πŸ”₯πŸ™πŸ”₯πŸ˜‡πŸ”₯πŸ™πŸ”₯πŸ˜‡

Thank you for witnessing me as we RISE TOGETHER. Love the Ego Death β€οΈβ˜ πŸ’œthat Loves you back. We got this my friends.

Ovarian Out


Acockalypse Now

I’m pretty sure if Facecrack (aka Facebook) wants to keep up with the times (now that they offer a whole 6 different emotions as ‘reactions-‘ ‘react’ being a creepy word if you ask me)- they need to offer the following relationship status options: married to myself, in a relationship with Earth, ecosexual, asexual, pansexual, relationship anarchist, solo poly, unhappily married, slave, domme, and ‘In love with so and so’ without it equating to the conventional shackles associated with ‘in a relationship.’ 

Frankly- I don’t identify with any relationship labels anymore. None of it makes sense to me except perhaps ‘in a primary relationship with myself while exercising experimental polyamory for the time being.’ That’s a mouthful, but you can’t fit hyper-cuntplexity under the umbrella of a single label when your identity is constantly morphing to adjust to the shifting waves of the Acockalypse aka the Ascension and your mind is exploding like sexy bloody rainbow confetti that won’t conform to a box in its catastrophically gorgeous liberation from attachments.
Here’s a picture of one of my best bitches to catch your attention, an exquisite tantric Goddess and Muse toying with duality in the City of Lost Angels. Love the Ego Death that makes you wet…… or not. Whatever floats your boat Jim. Ovarian out.

In Multi-Demented Solidarity,

Love your Bitches, Witches, & Stitches

Ground Control


Re-integrating the Emotional Body

During this break from acupuncture school (which is COMPLETELY dependent on my cerebral ability), I am slowly dropping more into my heart and realizing that there is soul growth for me in dropping into and leading from my heart.

As a cerebral Sagittarian-Virgo-Virgo woman (albeit multiple planets in Scorpio)- whose emotions can be overwhelmingly intense when I feel them- I often hide from the world that has no receptors for the kind of intensity that flows through me when I am processing my emotions. I let myself get RAW. I am also very rational. Mutually exclusive opposites are a relic of an archaic, decaying, binary past.

The truth is…I contain a multitude of sub-selves and complex paradoxical qualities, yet we live in a world that tries to fit octagons like me into square boxes. It is societally taboo to be but just a few of our multi-splendiferous sub-(s)elves….in the name of capitalism, gender scripts, religious taboos, and whatever judgmental poo poos society tries to throw at radical, unbridled, authenticity…..let’s face it….it can get messy and weird inside the human head.

There are also times when I become so overwhelmed, that I dissociate and temporarily shut off my emotional body and detach with a rational, almost cyborg-like cool. It seems to be my emotional body’s natural defense to avoid blowing a fuse or frying too many nerves. (I’m hyper-sensitive, empathic, clairsentient). I re-integrate my emotions and process them later when I am out of the trigger situation and it feels safe for me to do so.

It’s a trip to be learning to navigate more from my heart than my head. Let’s face it. There are times and places when turning off one’s emotional body temporarily serves a purpose to get shit done under stress without falling apart- hence the patriarchal pandemic in which men are not encouraged to actually turn back on their emotional bodies. And when you have a job that depends on your mental faculties alone, it can take a body-mind practice like yoga, dance, massage, and Tai chi to drop into your heart and body again.

If you are cut off from your emotions or have unresolved emotional baggage, an uncomfortable physical sensation or pain can clue you into where those trapped emotions reside. When I work with E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique), I am able to get to the bottom of the negative emotion causing the physical pain, re-experience that emotion, and fully release it, as opposed to suppressing it and having it cause pain or discomfort. Instead of compartmentalizing my emotions to cope, I am able to fully integrate my emotional body and release any of the emotionally stressful things that have happened.

Society shames vulnerability and a full range of emotions in men (and women too, but to a lesser degree). This sucks for everyone, since men often don’t know what to do with womens’ emotions because they don’t know what to do with their own. (Obviously there are many exceptions to this rule…. So if you’re a person with a penis, please don’t take this personally if it does not apply. The point is not to blame anyone here. The point is to observe larger cultural and gender trends so that we can evolve as a culture).

As a woman in a scientific field, I actually identify with this masculine dilemma and am also learning to reclaim and work with my emotions, which is why I’m writing this piece. Our culture’s emotion-phobic programming affects men AND women. As a result, many people have LOADS of unprocessed baggage OR live robotically emotion-less, rational or addictive lives (addiction suppresses emotion) without ever fully integrating their emotional body- except for the one culturally sanctioned emotion in men- which is anger. Society has struck men a shitty deal in manipulating them into denying their full range of their emotions. ‘Suck it up son.’ Wait… Why?

Unlocking the emotional body is necessary for spiritual evolution. The world needs more spiritually evolved people to raise the vibration of the swamp we’ve made of things down here. We don’t live in a culture that supports embracing and working with our emotions. We’re taught to repress and hide them or cover them up with addictions or work. We are living in a giant swamp of unprocessed, emotional entropy.

It’s time to learn to balance our inner masculine and feminine and reclaim our emotional bodies if we are going to evolve. Divine androgyny (emotional and spiritual androgyny), is an alchemical goal of a number of wisdom schools: Qabbalah, Gnosticism, and Tantra.

Let’s stop shaming men who DO have feminine qualities. The world NEEDS those men to offset the hyper-masculine patriarchal programming that suppresses the feminine. And let’s face it. Women are craving men to show up more emotionally present and alive in the realm of relating without always being subject to mansplaining ‘fix and change it’ strategies. What about emotional bonding and feeling things together to increase feelings of closeness as an end in itself?

All the logical explanations aside, it still scares the shit out of me when my mind’s tricks all stop working and I have no choice but to surrender to the pure chaotic feeling underneath all the mental static that tries to figure my way out of things. Like most of us, I have lived all my life in a culture that prizes intellect, rationality, science, and I have even adopted these values for myself, with a broader range now which includes feminine, emotional, imaginative, intuitive, and body-centered wisdom as well.

I’m learning how to work through my emotional intensity in an embodied way with E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique), acupuncture, primal screaming yoga, tantric shamanic breathwork, crying, roaring, ninja kicks, and whatever the fuck else my inner lioness needs to get that shit out and move the fuck on!

For me- having methods to deal with the irrationality and intensity of my emotions- is one way in which I’ve learned to balance the masculine and feminine within my own being, so that I don’t polarize and become a stone cold cyborg, or an emotional swamp with no end or edges. There is no wisdom in either extreme if perpetuated infinitely ad nauseum.

If anything, these gendered archetypes polarize into dysfunctional versions of masculine and feminine shadows in the form of empathy-less perpetrator and perpetual victim. While it’s great if we can be honest with ourselves about some shit that went down and needs healing (certainly you wouldn’t give this kind of heady talk to a rape victim whose victimization is all too real), I also feel like the cosmological trip about moving into the Age of Aquarius requires us to fucking graduate and get on with the non-dualistic, androgynous, space age program.

The divine feminine is re-emerging on Gaia, and I’m going to give it to you straight- she’s pissed after being suppressed for so long. It would take every human interaction being saturated with feminine wisdom to bring a balance back to human relationships after how polarized things have become towards a patriarchal set of values that has bled into every area of life.

That re-emergence of the divine feminine will require the co-collaboration of the feminine AND masculine…not shaming men for being men….but re-learning the qualities of divine masculinity (versus patriarchy), and integrating divine femininity. Otherwise, we become caricatures of a media machine telling us what masculinity and femininity are supposed to look like. Last time I checked, make-up and big muscles never caused a spiritual revolution.